When no means NO!

Question Mark (Photo credit: auntiepauline)

When someone tells you no, does it register?

 Do you stop what you are doing or saying?

Or, do you continue?

No, means no!

        No, I do not want that food. No, do not sit on the dog. No, I do not want to answeryour question. No. No. NO!

       I recently wrote a piece on manners for my blog; and one of the commenters asked me to write on accepting no. Her example was one I was actually all too familiar with so I thought, why not.

“These days when people say no thank you to an invitation, for some reason they feel compelled to explain why. Invariably, the comment is something like, “I can’t make it because I am doing something WAY MORE FUN than attending your event!” A simple “no thank you” should be sufficient. I use a “no thank you”, no matter if I have another pressing engagement or I don’t feel like going. Also, when I use my simple “no thank you”, I have been asked to explain why I can’t go. “What else could you be doing that could possibly be more important and why don’t you rearrange it?” the host demands. It makes for an awkward situation.”

       I am with her on this. If I invite you somewhere, you do not need to explain – unless you happen to be my best friend and we always explain– why you cannot attend. A simple “I would love to, but I’m busy that night” more than suffices. When I am invited and I do not wish to attend or for some reason, cannot, I simply say thank you for the invitation, but I will be unable to attend. I also wish them a great event.

       I do not feel I need to explain past that response and I absolutely abhor being interrogated. It really is not anyone’s business. Anyone who has this habit might want to check themselves. The next time you ask someone “why”, you may just get an honest answer you do not want to hear. I know that in my life, it has gotten to the point where I get really honest in my answers when pushed. Yes, it makes for an awfully awkward moment, but then again, put the awkward back on them with an honest answer – not ugly – honest. After all, they pushed the subject.

       At one time, I had a friend who was obsessive about knowing everyone’s business. She had a bad habit of asking inappropriate questions and would not take no for an answer. She would push and push no matter how many times you told her that you did not want to talk about something or that it was none of her business.

       I am an extremely private person  -you are probably thinking –private? – and so she writes a blog?- and I do not like other people in my business. If I constantly change the subject when you ask a question, you can be absolutely sure that is “Me telling You” – finger pointing here –  that I do not wish to talk about whatever it is that you are trying to pry out of me. Now, on the other hand, if you cannot shut me up, it is a clear indication that I am willing to share, so at that point, you had better ask your questions, because those times are rare.

       I have recently adopted the policy, if someone keeps pressing me for more information, to the point of being rude, and making me uncomfortable, then that person needs to hear no less than the truth. If being nice and giving an evasive answer does not work, then transfer the awkward position that they have put you in, to them. Tell them the truth. You just do not want to attend. You have other things you would rather do.

       I know this sounds rude, but to have to resort to this type of answer, means the person has pushed you beyond appropriate boundaries. It should not matter why you do not want to attend a function just that you do not; and you have been respectful in stating your feelings.

Colossians 3:12-14 tells us, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (NIV 1984)

       We all need to be mindful of others in our lives, and to remember when having to give answers to difficult people, be as kind, and gentle, as you are able to be. Some people still may not “get it” but our job as aChristian is to keep the exchange as kind as possible and extendforgiveness for their ignorance.

Thanks for joining me today!

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      As always, I encourage you to share your opinions and experiences, and/or questions. Remember to show courtesy to others in your comments.

Donna

From the Heart – Sundays as a day of enlightenment

   Sundays – they always seem to be a day of enlightenment, a day of renewal.

         I returned home a short time ago from our “normal” Sunday morning activities. Each Sunday morning, Hubby and I, along with many others from church, visit the local nursing home to say theRosary with the residents.

         Not normally one for making friends easily, I have become friends with an older couple who come to the nursing home for the Rosary on Sunday mornings. I have also grown quite fond of a friend of theirs who is a resident of the nursing home; and when one of us is not there, we are truly missed.

         There is an older gentleman referred to by everyone as “Coach”. I have no idea if he was a coach, but he loves sports. He has also become somewhat of a preacher and on most Sundays, shares a messagewith those gathered. This morning was no exception. He shared the story about the lion who wanted to eat a mouse and how the mouse convinced him he would not be full if he ate him. Then, later in the story, the lion was caught in a net and the little mouse chewed a hole in the net and saved him. Then the lion and the mouse became forever friends. I may be the only one who did not get the moral of that story, but I did get the moral of the second part of his message.

         The second part of his message this morning was about deciding to be happy. Each morning when you open your eyes, you can decide to be happy or you can decide to be miserable. This was the second time this morning (and it is not lunch yet) that I received this message. I was reading the thought for the day from Joel Osteen and his message centered on how we make the decision to be happy or not to be happy. We can dwell on past unhappinesses or we can start the day brand new with a smile.

         This message hit home with me because on so many days, I wake up thinking that today is going to be the day I do not allow past hurts to sneak in; and on so many days, that is exactly the opposite of what happens. Today, after hearing that message twice in such a short span of time, I am determined more than ever to adhere to it; to make it my mantra, and stick with it.

          We pray for God to grant our wishes, but when he does, because they are not exactly what we prayed for, sometimes we do not see the granted wishes. I prayed that my daughters would want to hear my side of the story, my reasons for divorcing their father, and to understand that I did not abandon them. They have never asked or been interested in my story; so I have harbored hurt and anger in my heart about the divorce.

         God has chosen to answer my prayers in a different manner, in a positive way. So, today, I am shedding the cloak of gloom, the cloak of hurt and anger, and I am choosing to move forward with a smile.

         It is no wonder that Sundays are considered a day of rest. God works hard to open our eyes to his blessings. He definitely needs the rest.

         Happy Sunday to everyone. I hope that God answers one of your prayer requests today.

           **Be sure to check out my primary blog at http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com  Thanks!