“You choose your actions, not the consequences”

 There is a saying, “You choose your actions, you do not get to choose the consequences”.

 

Never is that more true than in divorce.

 

The reasons, no matter how substantial, cease to matter as time wears on; it is the consequences that live long and prosperous lives.

 

       It no longer matters that there was abuse, infidelity, lack of love, miscommunication; it is the consequences that linger on. And, it is those consequences that affect everyone, from adults to children, grandparents to godparents, cousins to godchildren.

 

       I have not written any personal stories on my blog in a while. When your heart is broken, your mind struggles to be happy and that makes it difficult to write, at least it does for me. What made me sit down to write this morning was something that happened this past weekend.

 

        We attended a family function the other night, and my own deeply guarded pain bubbled to the surface as I watched and listened to the pain of a child, now a grown young man, who was caught up as an extended casualty of a divorce that had nothing to do with him. He didn’t understand when someone he loved dearly suddenly disappeared from his life without a word. The only explanation he was given came from his parents. His anger and hurt got the best of him and he confronted the accused, the one he did not know had been banned from his life due to divorce. As I watched their pain surface, my own pain jerked unchecked from its hiding place once again.

 

       It is human nature to choose sides when there is conflict present, but what so many fail to realize is that the pain and the consequences of anger linger far into the future, where it has no place. There seems to be a demon present in some people that rears its ugly head to cause a normally sane person to loose all perspective, and anyone who will listen to the lamenting is drawn in.

 

       Children are often manipulated and lied to in the name of revenge, as adults circle the wagons and prepare to wage war, a war that will affect a child far into the future. Adults choose the action; the children suffer the consequences, most times needlessly. Divorce is an ugly animal. I myself have witnessed this behaviour on many occasions, as adults choose not to accept their part in the break-up of a marriage – it does take two to make a marriage, just as it takes two to break up a marriage. It seems to be a little remembered fact.

 

       I have seen adults who have finally moved past their pain; neglect to calm the waters (anger) in those around them. Therein lays a huge injustice. I have witnessed this in the lives of people who are close to me repeatedly.

 

       It is no misnomer that divorce brings anger and pain. It is how we as adults, conduct ourselves, that determines the extended consequences to those around us. Children do not need to become the pawns in the ugly game, but they do more often than not. As adults, we transfer our feelings of hurt, abandonment, and anger onto the shoulders of those who are too young to process the emotions. Children are not born hating, we teach them to hate, to hold grudges, to take sides, to mimic our adult behaviors.

 

       Never has it been more evident than in my own life, but also in the life of the young man this weekend, a child who lost someone in his young life due to a family divorce. A child, now a grown young man, who when confronted with the opportunity to speak with the person he lost, did not know how to process his anger and hurt. I stood by and watched the pain of two people who were hurt deeply through no fault of their own, struggle to communicate, one young, one older. Hurt knows no bounds. I can only pray that maybe it is not too late for the two of them to perhaps mend the great divide, a divide caused by hurt, anger, and lies. Who knows? Maybe they can overcome the one major obstacle standing in their way. But, to mend one relationship with the truth may mean destroying a trusted relationship built on lies. It is a difficult decision at any age.

 

       The point of this story – maybe it is to assuage some of my own pain. Maybe it is a plea to others suffering from or causing some of this pain to think twice before they step off into abyss – we, as adults, need to think before we destroy a child’s trust in another human being. I’ll close with this advice: think twice before you circle the wagons and pull out the heavy artillery, there just might not be an enemy.

 

The views expressed here are my own.

 

 

And, then there was the time I spoke out on gun control…

Gun control means hitting your target (Photo credit: Malingering)

I was contacted the other day and asked to review a book on the 2^nd Amendment – gun control. It was from a Democrat and he was very anxious to have this little book read and reviewed. It was about enacting gun control and to me that means taking away rights, my rights.

I normally keep my opinions to myself, except for when I don’t. I responded (and I am still trying to figure out if an alien had taken over my body – I was definitely having a Gracie moment that day!) I told him that I did not think gun control was the answer to all of the violence. Drugs are against the law and they are still readily available on the streets for anyone willing to break the law to purchase them. It would be the same with guns. You can find anything against the law on the black market.

In my opinion, gun control will only penalize the law-abiding citizens who use their guns responsibly. I told him that I grew up with guns in the house. My father is a retired State Trooper. My Hubby is a retired State Trooper, and an avid hunter. He also fishes and fishing twine could definitely cause some damage if wrapped around someone’s neck. Are you going to make that against the law? I went on to tell him that I agreed there was a huge problem, and I did not have any ideas on how to even begin solving it, but I definitely did not think gun control was going to make a difference.

I also told him I felt I could give his book a fair review – I still do. Inserting something here about my personality – don’t you love when I do that – I am someone who is able to view both sides of an issue and judge it fairly.

I cannot figure it out. I haven’t heard back from him. I may have mentioned that I vote Republican too. That might have been the decisive factor. As I said, I must have been having an out of body experience that day, because I even surprised myself.

I actually do have a few ideas on how to solve the world crisis. In my humble opinion, I think it all goes back to family values and teaching good, old-fashioned respect for one another. It is as simple as that. When we respect each other, we allow one another the right to have an opinion and we respect that opinion. We use manners. We pray. We say the pledge. Respect has disappeared and the world is going to pot. That’s my opinion.

What about you? What is your view on Gun Control? Make believe you are a beauty queen and tell me how you would achieve world peace?

As always, thanks for taking the time to visit today!

Be sure to follow so you don’t miss the adventures!

Related articles

• Ben Stein On The Need For Gun Control…Or Not (onlygunsandmoney.blogspot.com)
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Stalking my prey

       I, for some strange reason – because I don’t normally explain myself – felt the need to explain myself – stranger things have happened – to someone that I had been surfing around the internet visiting their site and such, because they had requested I review their book. My explanation - needed work because as I explained I do not feel the need to explain myself – came off sounding like a stalker – at least to me. Anyway, the person thought it funny and did not in the least think I was stalking and even friended me on Face book - which by way has punished me again, suspended my friend requesting for a month. I can accept requests, just not send any.

 

 

       So, getting back to the topic on hand, I decided to come clean. I do investigate those sending me requests to review their books. For me, it is part of the process in deciding whether I review a book.

 

       First, and foremost, the book has to be a genre I enjoy reading. Second, if you would read some of the requests I receive, you would do some investigating as well – perhaps even hire Sherlock himself. Just a hint here to any authors or would like to be an author requesting book reviews. A request has a better chance of being accepted or even taken seriously, if you actually take the time to address the person by name and send information rather than just links. A book reviewer’s time is as valuable as yours is. And, you are the one asking for the favor of a review. Think of it this way – would you just walk up to someone and toss a book at them, no explanation about what the book is about, and expect them to catch it and read it? I bet you never thought of it that way.

 

       Back to the subject – not being a rude person and therefore just hitting the delete button – I admit that sometimes I do – I grab my magnifying glass and slap on my Sherlock Holmes hat and surf the net.

 

       I check out the links they may or in lots of cases may not have included. I check Amazon for the book and sometimes read the reviews. I check out their website to see how they are handling the promotion of their book. I also like to read some of their “other” writing. A person’s website tells a lot about a person. I also check out their face book page and other sites that they have indicated they are on to see how they are promoting themselves.

 

       I guess in a way, I do stalk those who request I review their book. Hopefully, they have been “stalking” me as well. After all, I hope they have read my Review Policy along with some of my book reviews to see if my style of reviewing and my blog are compatible with the audience they are trying to reach and if my review will help them sell their product.

 

       What about you? If you are a book reviewer, how do you make your decisions on whether or not to review a book? If you are an author, how to make the decision to contact a reviewer; and once you find a reviewer, what type of letter writer/information giver are you?

 

       There you have it. My name is Donna, and I’m a stalker, and you read it here first.

 

As always, thanks for taking the time to visit today!

Be sure to follow so you don’t miss the adventures!

 My Life. One Story at a Time.: Stalking my prey

Hurricane Isaac rears his ugly head

Part 1

It is 8:14 a.m. on Tuesday, August 28, 2012. The house has been shuttered as though expecting a long winter’s nap. The first wave of rain associated with Hurricane Isaac is beginning to hit the house. The last two days have literally been the calm before the storm, as it is said, as they were beautiful, warm sun filled hours in which to prepare. This morning was no exception. It began quite early for those of us in the storm’s projected path as we completed last minute preparations.

It is strange how many items you find that you can do without as you pickup and secure things in anticipation of the winds. The roadside garbage piles the last few days have been reminiscent of spring cleaning at its best.

I sit here in the darkening room as the day progresses, listening to the wind gusts and the howling of the wind as it whistles its way through the rafters of the house like a lonely ghost. Perhaps it is the silence of the shuttered house that magnifies the pump at the oil batteries across the rising bayou. It is not a sound that we normally notice, but with the silenced normal activity in anticipation of the storm, it is somehow fitting that we hear the eerie drone of the motor.

Family pets, not normally allowed inside, welcome the respite from the heat as they lie in the cool garage. They cannot even be tempted to go outside to romp and potty, afraid that the very action of venturing outside, however momentarily it will be, will end the rare allowed luxury of bedding down in their kennels.

For a while during the storm, it was as though we were cake batter in the Kitchen Aid mixer. The wind was beating against the front of the house and whipping around the corners with such velocity, that I waited, with baited breath for the house to begin spinning.

Thursday, August 30, 2012. Now, that the weather has calmed down, there is a gentle breeze accented with the occasional rain, hampering the cleanup efforts of many. The highways are beginning to come alive with traffic as people venture out to restock supplies depleted during the confinement brought on by the storm.

I was outside earlier washing down the house, removing the remnants of leaves that had become part of the exterior before they dried. Already wet, I continued my task as the rains once again came down, enjoying the chance to feel the light cleansing rain on my skin, a sign of the healing that begins after a storm has passed.

I spent time on the front porch swing with Ryka and Calypso, who were rapturous to be free once again. Calypso seemed intent on catching up with all the time she missed chasing her tail, while confined to her kennel. Ryka was content to take up the extra space on the swing, enjoying the gentle movement back and forth as the breeze ruffled her coat.

Generators are humming all around us as people charge up freezers and enjoy the comfort of fans.

We were lucky this time around. Even as the storm danced and stalled several times as it stalked the coastline, trying to make up its mind where to strike, it did not hold the punch of storms long passed. The seventh anniversary of the devastation reeked by Hurricane Katrina upon an unsuspecting coast, has passed in relatively quietness, allowing those holding their breath to exhale.

 

Some things never change. It’s hot after a storm.

Tree damage.

The wind.

First rains.

Tree down. Water.

 

Additional pictures are available on http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

 

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The Seasons of our Lives

      I attended a bridal shower for a friend on Sunday. We’ve known each other for approximately six years. It seems to me that I am always reading stories about friendship and the length of friendships, and I’ve always wished I had that in my life. I am an introvert and tend to spend most of my time alone, therefore not putting myself out there for friendships. Lack of trust is also an issue.

 

       Then, as my best friend and I were sitting together watching this same friend open her wonderful gifts and having such a great time, tears came to my eyes because as I looked around the room, I realized that I did have that friendship in my life.

       I have a group of four -now five- women in my book club group that I have been friends with for around six years now. We have seen each other through marriage rifts, boyfriend problems, illness, selling houses, buying houses and moving, looking for Mr. Right, divorce, children, and grandchildren. We have become an integral part of each other’s lives.

       As I sat there and watched my friend open her gifts, I thought back to our first conversation -which we still laugh about. It was actually the second time we met and we were sitting next to each other after having served ourselves dinner. I mentioned that I had been reading a cookbook, and she interrupted me, looking at me as though I were a space alien, to ask, “How do you read a cookbook”. I remember thinking, what a snob. I can either make nice or knock the hell out of her. It was a pivotal moment.

       Needless to say, I made nice and we became fast friends. She has since confessed to reading a cookbook or two herself – but that’s a secret. Oh! And by the way – my answer to, “How do you read a cookbook?” was, I always buy the ones with pictures.

       It is funny how life is sometimes. We have gone from “looking for Mr. Right” to finding him, and now marrying him with our friend. We’ve watched a season end and a new exciting one about to unfold. And, as I look at my wonderful friend, surrounded by opened boxes, crumpledtissue paper, fine china, and delicate crystal, I find myself quietly anticipating the chapters still to come in our shared lives.

       Best Wishes Tara for a wonderful married life, and the next season of your life.

Thank you for visiting today.

I hope you’ll follow my blog and return for more stories.

Donna

Printers, screaming, and wailing

       My printer finally died. Actually, I had been expecting it for some time, especially with its habitual ink leaking.

But, with its death, that meant I had to begin searching for another printer. Running a business from my home office meant that I was sorely in need of a multi-purpose printer/fax/scanner and whatever else magic it might want to bring to the table.

The printer arrived this morning and the unpacking commenced. Just the magnitude of the number of cords, cartridges, and books was overwhelming. I unpacked and set all the items in order and began the arduous task of connecting printer to computer via wireless connection.

Screenshot of Lucille Ball from the trailer for the film Stage Door. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This task is not for the faint of heart. When I researched the printer, all of the ratings agreed that it was an easy set-up. HA! HA! HA! I don’t know what printer they speaking of, but it definitely WAS NOT this one!

After a couple of calls to my cousin in Georgia and reading and r e-reading the manuals, and having the monitor tell me one thing and the readout on the printer telling me another, I did manage to figure it out.     I don’t know if I wanted to wail to Ricky as Lucille Ball would have, or whine, as Gracie would have done to George – or perhaps both. But, now I am set up via wireless to print. The fax setup may be something altogether different. I’m saving that for another day!

As always, thanks for taking the time to visit today!

Donna

Give them what they want…

       I am borrowing someone’s words that I read today, “Give them what they want”.

As I read this, I realized that this is how I have lived most of my life.

If you want them to like you, give them what they want. If you don’t want them angry with you, give them what they want. If you want a peaceful existence, give them what they want.

You end up giving and giving and giving; while they end up taking and taking and taking; until you finally loose all that you are. At what point in your life, do you say, “No more. I need to be heard, even if it is not what you want to hear.” At what point do you stand up for yourself – as a living, breathing human with feelings and emotions and say, “I count. I matter; no more burying my feelings.”

I think I found my way into many situations because I am an introvert – NOT to be confused with being shy. They are NOT one in the same, although they are quite often confused. Because I shy away from confrontation, I allowed others to take advantage of my emotions, thus defining who I was. I made it easy for a domineering parent to control me. I made it easy for a verbally/emotionally abusive spouse to abuse me. I made it easy for my daughters to be alienated from me.

Studying personality traits has become a hobby of mine. Along with helping me to understand my own reactions to different situations, it also helps me to understand others. Being an introvert has affected many of my decisions. If I had understood my personality better, I may have made different decisions; not necessarily better decisions; but different decisions.

Because of my introvertedness, I found myself always giving in and giving others what they wanted -not needed – wanted – and I lost sight of myself. I became a shell of a person.

The longer we allow a cycle like this to continue, the longer it may take us to find ourselves again, to learn who we are. As an introvert, I would shove my feelings down deep and bury them. I learned to turn off my emotions and to feel nothing, so much so, that I developed a problem with disconnecting when I am hurt. The difficulty with shoving “stuff” down is that eventually, and it may take years, it bubbles to the surface.

Coming to terms with past hurts sometimes involves purging ourselves of the hurt we are either holding onto, or that has been deeply buried. No matter how hard we try to keep these feelings buried, the feelings sometimes begin their ascension to the surface, like a balloon filled with helium, fighting to be released. Then, how do we let go of the balloon if we must “give them what they want”?

For me, I write. I have found that putting my words down on paper allows those deeply buried hurts to rise and filter through my fingers on their way to release.

As I have written before, I am not one who likes confrontation -just ask the sister I used to run – literally – from – and in that respect, I guess that has made me somewhat of a pleaser, or maybe just a coward, depending on the day. While some personalities thrive on confrontation, I do not. Chances are, if you confront me, I will just stand there and stare at you as though you have lost your mind, then turn and walk away. You may still be badgering me, or you may have finished your tirade, it won’t matter to me, as I have long since shutdown.

Putting my deepest thoughts down on paper is difficult for me, even scary. I prefer to just shove the discontent deep down and stay quiet. However, I had to visit an establishment the other day, and it wasn’t so much the lack of respect that I received as the disrespect that was shown. It is strange how humans have a need to dislike people based on other’s lamenting, not even bothering to find out if what they heard is true. Then, they turn around and show disrespect or disdain to the person, as though it were a badge of honor for their friend. I guess I just had enough. No more “give them what they want” for me.

I am coming out. This introvert is going to be roaring like a lioness. I came across a saying this morning, “Sometimes you just have to take a leap…and build your wings on the way down”. I think I’d like to try that. I guess I will either soar or crash and burn, but either way, I will be me – no more Humpty Dumpty sitting on a wall, waiting to take a great big fall.

 

This post originally appeared on my blog: http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

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When no means NO!

Question Mark (Photo credit: auntiepauline)

When someone tells you no, does it register?

 Do you stop what you are doing or saying?

Or, do you continue?

No, means no!

        No, I do not want that food. No, do not sit on the dog. No, I do not want to answeryour question. No. No. NO!

       I recently wrote a piece on manners for my blog; and one of the commenters asked me to write on accepting no. Her example was one I was actually all too familiar with so I thought, why not.

“These days when people say no thank you to an invitation, for some reason they feel compelled to explain why. Invariably, the comment is something like, “I can’t make it because I am doing something WAY MORE FUN than attending your event!” A simple “no thank you” should be sufficient. I use a “no thank you”, no matter if I have another pressing engagement or I don’t feel like going. Also, when I use my simple “no thank you”, I have been asked to explain why I can’t go. “What else could you be doing that could possibly be more important and why don’t you rearrange it?” the host demands. It makes for an awkward situation.”

       I am with her on this. If I invite you somewhere, you do not need to explain – unless you happen to be my best friend and we always explain– why you cannot attend. A simple “I would love to, but I’m busy that night” more than suffices. When I am invited and I do not wish to attend or for some reason, cannot, I simply say thank you for the invitation, but I will be unable to attend. I also wish them a great event.

       I do not feel I need to explain past that response and I absolutely abhor being interrogated. It really is not anyone’s business. Anyone who has this habit might want to check themselves. The next time you ask someone “why”, you may just get an honest answer you do not want to hear. I know that in my life, it has gotten to the point where I get really honest in my answers when pushed. Yes, it makes for an awfully awkward moment, but then again, put the awkward back on them with an honest answer – not ugly – honest. After all, they pushed the subject.

       At one time, I had a friend who was obsessive about knowing everyone’s business. She had a bad habit of asking inappropriate questions and would not take no for an answer. She would push and push no matter how many times you told her that you did not want to talk about something or that it was none of her business.

       I am an extremely private person  -you are probably thinking –private? – and so she writes a blog?- and I do not like other people in my business. If I constantly change the subject when you ask a question, you can be absolutely sure that is “Me telling You” – finger pointing here –  that I do not wish to talk about whatever it is that you are trying to pry out of me. Now, on the other hand, if you cannot shut me up, it is a clear indication that I am willing to share, so at that point, you had better ask your questions, because those times are rare.

       I have recently adopted the policy, if someone keeps pressing me for more information, to the point of being rude, and making me uncomfortable, then that person needs to hear no less than the truth. If being nice and giving an evasive answer does not work, then transfer the awkward position that they have put you in, to them. Tell them the truth. You just do not want to attend. You have other things you would rather do.

       I know this sounds rude, but to have to resort to this type of answer, means the person has pushed you beyond appropriate boundaries. It should not matter why you do not want to attend a function just that you do not; and you have been respectful in stating your feelings.

Colossians 3:12-14 tells us, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (NIV 1984)

       We all need to be mindful of others in our lives, and to remember when having to give answers to difficult people, be as kind, and gentle, as you are able to be. Some people still may not “get it” but our job as aChristian is to keep the exchange as kind as possible and extendforgiveness for their ignorance.

Thanks for joining me today!

Don’t forget to follow my blog for more stories!

      As always, I encourage you to share your opinions and experiences, and/or questions. Remember to show courtesy to others in your comments.

Donna

Lessons I’ve Learned

There was time in my life when I allowed another’s lies to define who I was.

       That was a lifetime ago; and that time has ended.

       We learn, as Christians, to see Jesus when we look at people; but how many of us actually have that thought running rampant through our mind every second of our busy days?

       My former mother-in-law never missed an opportunity to voice to my mother that she told her son he should not have married me – and this was while we were married. Do you think she was seeing Jesus when she spoke those words to another mother? Truth be told, it would actually hurt me to voice that sentiment to another mother. I identify with other’s feelings on too deep a level to ever consider voicing such a hurtful comment.

A “What Would Jesus Do?” (WWJD) bracelet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

       I remember a time when my former husband and one of his co-workers went fishing for the day. At the end of the day, after cleaning the catch, we shared a meal with the other family. As women will do, we talked as we stood in the kitchen preparing the meal. I was surprised – or perhaps not – when she very candidly told me that my husband had told her of a conversation he had with my then husband. In that conversation, he said that I was a bitch. There is no other way to phrase that particular word – my apologies. She went on to tell me that her husband said that he was told I did nothing but scream and yell and fuss all of the time.

       Anyone who knows me will tell you I do not handle matters in that particular way. I am a person who holds their anger inside. I rarely ever show my anger or hurt. I detach and become very quite. That doesn’t mean I am not human. I am, and I have been known to slam a few doors – loud and hard- did I mention loud and hard - but screaming is not something I do. I do not like confrontation, and I avoid it whenever possible.

Ephesians 4:29 – “Don’t let any foul words come out of your mouth. Only say what is helpful when it is needed for building up the community so that it benefits those who hear what you say.” 

       I asked this woman, if after getting the chance to know me, if she still thought that I was this kind of person. I did not let on, but I was extremely hurt when she replied that she did in fact still believe all that she had heard, because she did not feel that my former husband would lie – which said to me that she thought I was lying when I denied the allegations. What I wanted to do at that time was grab my daughters and leave. I did not want to stay in a place that was detrimental to my emotional well-being. I could feel myself shutting down.

       What I did was hide my hurt and anger inside of me, and stayed for dinner. I never told anyone how devastating that conversation was to me. Little did I know that it would only be one of many to come.

Colossians 4:6 – “Your speech should always be gracious and sprinkled with insight so that you may know how to respond to every person.”

       Ever since that night, when the thoughts come back to haunt me, I get angry with myself. I am angry because I did not stand up for myself. I am angry because I did not confront my ex-husband. I am angry because another person believed his lies. I am angry because I let it bother me. I am angry because I wish the memory would vanish.

       And, then I think, maybe the memory comes back to remind me that I am worthy. I am worthy of Jesus’ love. I do not need people like this woman in my life because they make me feel like less than. And, to feel less than, is an insult to God. It is also a lesson that we need to know and remember. Lies hurt; lies maim; lies destroy; and lies kill. Lies destroy a person’s spirit; what lies within.

Proverbs 14:1 – “A wise woman builds her house, while a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.”

       For a while, the WWJD – What would Jesus do – bracelets were extremely popular. It seemed as though everyone was wearing some form or another of the symbol. I wonder if our actions would be significantly different if we had WWJD branded on our foreheads. While it sounds like a farfetched idea, I urge you to think about it for a moment. When we opened our mouths to lie, or to gossip, would we continue or would we close our mouths?

       This story brings me to a lesson we need to remember. Everyone is of God. And, to insult or lie or belittle another person, is to belittle God, our creator. For that reason, when we see or speak to others, we need to remember one of the greatest lessons of all – look for Jesus in each face we see and not be led astray.

       As always, I encourage you to share your opinions and experience, and/or questions. Remember to show courtesy to others in your comments.

Donna

From the Heart – What we all long for

        I was reading an email that I received today and it immediately brought to mind my first marriage. The topic was about longing for a person to turn to, someone to defend you, and keep you safe.

        The reason I thought of my ex-husband was I did not receive this acceptance and love from him. He never defended me, in fact, he often belittled me and told lies about me. I learned the difficult lesson that without mutual love and respect, the relationship does not prosper and grow; it falters.

        Maybe I am a little old fashion, but my core beliefs are a husband/wife should love his wife/husband unconditionally. He should be willing to do battle for her – not against her, and above all, he should respect her. This was not what I found in my first marriage. I have heard my ex-husband’s family described as mean. Sadly, I would have to agree. I have bore witness to it on too many occasions; and since the divorce -16+ years ago-, some of the meanness has developed into hatred towards me; and the relationships with my daughters directly affected by the detestation.

        When I met my husband -Hubby-, I knew that I would not settle for less than I deserved. Love and respect had to be part of the package, or there would be no relationship. Having gone through a similar marriage and divorce, he felt the same. It was hard for me to trust in the beginning, but with him as a light in my life, I learned how to trust again.

        My marriage today is abundant in love, trust, respect, forgiveness, and a faith in God to guide us. Our marriage has been like the bed of roses in my garden. There are beautiful blooms, but there have also been pricks from thorns along the way. With God’s help, we continue to prune the thorns. It is the definition of a marriage blessed by God, and one that nurtures both my husband and myself.

        I hope this post leaves you pondering, and I invite you to comment. What is your definition of marriage? Is there something you long for?

Thank you for visiting with me today.

“Say goodnight Gracie” – “Goodnight”

Donna

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